beauty

i just finished watching larry king with guest stevie wonder and the victoria's secret annual fashion show.

let's start with larry and stevie. first, larry king freakin old! but really, i wanna talk about stevie. he is just amazing. he was talking about what he thinks things look like, and i've never thought about it before, but what on earth would it be like to have to imagine what every single thing in the world looks like. stevie went blind not long after he was born because he was a premie. premies born have sensitive eyes, and the oxygen in his incubator was no help. they have since modified the technology, so not as many premies go blind, but blind since birth. having no idea what a piano looks like, but play it every day. make a living off of it. be married for years and not know what your wife looks like. have children and not know what they look like. i mean, you could feel it/them and decide for yourself what it looks like. and it would be one thing if you went blind after having the ability to see for a while. but having no preconception at all as to what anything in the world looks like. crazy. but, i guess you have no choice if that's what you have to live with. but, stevie is an inspiration. he found what he was good at. what he was awesome at and builds onto it everyday. i mean, he was sitting at larry king's interview desk with a keyboard in front of him and would just start playing random things at random time. to have the ability to do that, blind or not, is a amazing. to put your life experiences into songs (and very good songs at that) is quite the gift.

another gift: victoria's secret models' legs. dayum. you can't just get legs like those. those are gifts. ok, so i don't think victoria's secret models are very pretty. heidi. beautiful. alessandra. bombshell. miranda. hottie with a body. other than that...i don't think the others are very pretty. yeah, their bodies are slammin'. but that's easy. anyone could make their body look good (not tall...but good). what happened to hiring models that looked like heidi and tyra? they weren't stick thin. and they had one of a kind looks. these new girls, all i see are legs and blonde. who does victoria's secret think they're selling to? guys? no, you're selling to girls. so, putting a bra on a 5'10" stick isn't going to sell me. put it on a beautiful person like heidi klum, and i'm more likely to buy it. ohhh, something else you can do. lower your prices!

ughhhhh

dear time warner,

some thoughts and suggestions:

1. you're horrible.
2. when i'm on hold, waiting 20 minutes for someone to talk to me, don't have the automated voice say, "thank you for calling customer service. we are currently helping other customers. please hold for the next available representative" EVERY 30 seconds. and the music you play. c'mon. you don't need to play girl talk, but play some stevie wonder, or beatles. i heard the beatles once while on hold for a pharmacy, and it was the best wait.
3. don't charge me extra for shit you said you wouldn't charge me for.
4. don't trick me into signing a 2 year contract ever again. this is going to be a long 2 years. hopefully i won't live in this house for that long.


best,
jessa l.

getting in the christmas spirit

i'm torn. i LOVE christmas decorations. i even bought a whole bunch more stuff last year at the after christmas sales just to add to this year's decorations. BUT, i just don't know if i should put them up this year. i'm leaving for denver not long after christmas, and i won't have time to take everything down before leaving. and i know daniel probably will not take them down. and even if he does, he won't put things away properly (i'm pretty much a control freak when it comes to the organization of our house). with all that i have to take care of around the house before i leave, and all that i have to pack and organize, i just don't know if taking the time to decorate and un-decorate the house is going to be worth it. if i do put the decorations up, i'll have to take them down like on the 23rd or 24th. and that would just be sad. to have to take down chritsmas decorations before christmas is even here? that just sounds sad. but, to not have christmas decorations up at all? that sounds sad too! i don't know what to do. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i feel home

daniel asked me today where i feel most at home...at our house or at my parents' house? he said that he felt most at home at our home. but, i told him that it was a tie for me, and i'm sure he heard the hesitation there. it's really more like 49% austin, 51% houston. i think he was a little surprised when i said it was a tie. but, i tried to put him in my shoes by asking, if his parents still lived at the house he grew up in, where he'd feel most at home? he answered, understandingly, his home in mount pleasant, tx. i feel at home at our house because i made it look the way it does. i decorated and made it feel like home. but it's not completely home to me because 1. we've only lived here about 2 years and 2. i know this is a temporary home. i know that in a few years, we're going to buy a new place and rent this one out. that was the whole reason for buying this place. it was an investment. but, my family moved into our houston house when i was 10 years old. i did most of my growing up there, and i know where everything is. when i'm home in houston, i'm a kid again because my mom and dad take care of everything and it's comfortable. so, both places are very much home to me. but, i think my parents' house will always be 51% home to me, even when i'm 50 years old, as long as my parents are there. wouldn't you feel that way? i certainly would want my kids to feel the same way years from now.

viernes negro

i have a love/hate relationship with black friday.

what i hate
:: crowds
:: fake deals. for instance, banana republic outlet discounted their entire store by 50% today. sounds like a great deal and it is. but, none of the tags are discounted as they normally are on non-black friday days. so, for some things, you pay more than what you would if you went there on a random weekend in the summer when they want of get rid of merchandise but there aren't very many shoppers. and i have definitely found magnificent deals on days like that.
:: the rude shoppers. and the occasional rude salesperson.
:: parking. the lot was cometely full and went out into the fields!
:: the mess. ie this scene in lacoste:



what i love
:: spending time with my family and everyone putting their two cents in on what's bought. i don't think there is any other day of the year that my whole family goes shopping together. who does that anymore (besides families with kids who can't drive)?
:: the real deals. i mean, i see better sales on other days (i'm a bargain shopper. i get it from my mama). but, you see some good deals on black friday. and to get the best deals you have to sit outside of a store in the cold for hours. not my style (check back with me when i have spoiled kids. or when the bf needs a new pc and I finally am making some money)
:: my mom buying me things like i'm 12 and we're back to school shopping :)

today i got me some sweet knitted glove/mittens in back and white (yay jcrew student discount available for use with other discounts on black friday!) and a beautiful ski jacket (that will be used as an everyday jacket, too). my mama got me some winter boots. i never thought i would like boots with da fur. but i love the way these boots feel. there isn't fur inside, it's a thermal material. but seriously, these boots are super super super coformtable. and they were only $60! i shoulda had my mom buy the jacket instead of the boots because now i'm broke. but that's ok. it was sweet of my mama to buy them ♥

daniel and i also picked up a couple of presents for people on our list! so that's a couple of checkmarks. i wish we were done with holiday shopping.

now i wish i had the mullah to get this coat that feels like a comforter. this is another type of coat that i never thought i would like. but, seriously. go to rei and try it on. it's sooo soft, super light, and just comfortable. and strangely, i think it looked pretty good on me. i also want these heavier duty gloves. and these leather/cashmere gloves. ohhhh so beautiful! and a macbook.

thankful

hello! it's thanksgiving! the means fooooooood! and family! and being thankful :)

i'm thankful i'm healthy.
i'm thankful i got into nursing school! finally!
i'm thankful for my understanding, loving, wonderful, funny, weird family.
i'm thankful for my dear daniel.
i'm thankful that daniel let me get a dog in april and that we now have the crazy and cute oliver in our lives.
i'm thankful that my family, boyfriend and i are doing well in our lives. we have a lot more than some do, more than we need sometimes.
i'm thankful for the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for!
and for thanksgiving food. gooooooodness. i love food!

happy thanksgiving :)

televisor

i LOVE 30 rock. and i just recently started watching it religiously in about the middle of season 4. so, now that we've finally stepped it up and actually attached our blu-ray player to the modem, i've been watching a lot more streaming shows. including, 30 rock! and they've got all of the seasons (minus the current one) so now i'm up to speed. now, i'm watching the office in chronological order. i've only ever caught random episodes on tbs and watch random episodes on nbc, so i'll get caught up soon enough. watching 30 minute comedy episodes is so easy to watch quickly. i tried to watch all of lost on netflix for a while before the finale (i started watching lost late, too. twas about season 3 or 4), but the hour long "drama" (would that be a drama?) type shows seem like they take over your life. especially the ones you have to pay attention to. man. seriously, i couldn't do anything else while watching lost. but i can do tons of things watching the office. i cleaned out my entire room, closet, dresser, and vacuumed while watching the first couple of episodes of season 2.but lost was exhausting. and now the season that i left off at isn't available streaming. damn. i'm about to start up with madmen (not streaming). whichay be tiring, too. BUT, once i'm done with one disc, i'll have to wait at least 2 days until the next one comes in. so, i'll probably be upset when i can't know what's goingto happen next, but at least i'll have a break.

opt out day

tomorrow is opt out day at the airports for some idiots. and ya know what. i'm sure tons of them are going to miss their flights. nananabooboo.

also, they are putting people in danger at the airports. they are going to cripple air traffic. and making the tsa do pat downs on you for a couple of minutes rather than you walking through the damn machine for like, 5 seconds is making the tsa put their focus in a place it doesn't need to be. walk through the machine, and tsa can keep an eye on everyone walking through and look for suspicious behavior rather than touching your nasty body.

netflix

booooooooooo. i just got an email from netflix saying that the price is going up! i mean, it's only a dollar, but ugh. i hate inflation. oh well. i watch netflix all the time, so at least it pays off for me. but i really don't want it to go any higher.

i'm a pig

this is what my entrée plate looked like (after my apetizers plate)

thanksgayving

yay! today is the annual THNX4GVNG POTLUCK. i love today. it's hundreds of beautiful men (albeit gay) and tons and tons of food. i love what this day is for, too. they started having this thanksgiving party 8 years ago because some people weren't welcome home for holidays anymore after they came out to their families. so, they started having a thanksgiving holiday in austin for their "austin family". so what everyone that attends does is bring a dish and some canned goods or things that you could give to the needy. everyone brings GIANT dishes of magnificent, ohhhh so delicous thanksgiving foods and everyone just eats and eats. and drinks. last year, or maybe it was the year before, but one year, i filled my plate to the brim. no one thought i could eat it all, and i actually can't remember if i did. i think i at least got close. i may have a picture of it somewhere...not sure.

so, i seriously love food. especially thanksgiving food. i make thanksgiving food alllll the time for daniel and me. we eat good. and that is what i LOVE about the annual thanksgayving dinner. good friend and good food. good cause. it's one of my favorite get togethers of the year. my other favorite get together...young folks annual christmas party (which i will unfortunately miss this year because of stupid nursing school orientation. ugh.) and the annual (more like bi-annual) crawfish party. we didn't have it this year because i couldn't get my shit together. but, i have a break from school next year at the end of march, so maybe i'll have the party in austin! we'll see. that's a long time from now.

ok, daniel's back with eggs, so i'm off to make a butt load of cornbread. goodbye.

laundry and girl talk

i just did 7 freakin loads of laundry. but, i also listened to the girl talk record. that balances things out.

tsa

everybody and their mom is talking about the new xray machines at airports. OK. here we go. who the eff cares? so, i guess the tsa are not doing a thorough enough job and there are bombs now that aren't metal and don't set off the metal detectors and people are all scared because of the christmas day bomber last year. as they should be! shit, i am! i mean, with all that has happened the past decade or so on airplanes and air travel facilities. and that's why the tsa decided to really push the scanners starting now, during the holidays (although, i think they've been in some airports for a while now. i know i saw it in denver in september). so, what's wrong with a little extra step? what are your worries?

oh, you don't want to be exposed to the radiation. they say that the machines don't emit any more radiation than an airplane flight anyway. are you afraid of getting cancer? because if you haven't noticed, researchers say that you could get cancer from almost anything. do you use a cell phone? do you use wireless internet? do you drive a car? do you have a microwave? do you eat certain foods? do you go out in the sun? are you a living human being? ya, you, living human being, can get cancer. plus, you're in an airport. the radiation is already IN the place you're standing. cell phones galore, the call center area where pilots talk to the guys to tell them where to land and such (i can't think of the name...), computers everywhere. you're already exposed.

oh, so you're worried that some stranger is going to see you naked? i can ASSURE you, that. person. does. not. care. what. you. look. like. everyone has seen boobs, vagina, and a man's penile area. you ain't got nothing different than anybody else. tsa is not judging you. they are looking to make sure you don't have extra shit on your person. what do you think they're going to do with the scan of you, post it on the internet or something? they won't. but i mean, even if they did, who would care other than you?

ok, so you're worried about the invasive pat down. i see. first of all, go through the damn machine, and you won't have to be pat down (probably). secondly, let's say the person right behind you has a bomb somewhere on them. it's in their big hair and it's not metal so it doesn't set off the metal detectors. they get a pat down and holy shit! it is found!!! would you rather that everyone in the airport that opted out of the machine, including you, be patted down, or that the bomber got through and brought down a plane full of people?

ahh, you want to leave all of this for the people who are profiled as terrorists. yeah? you're an american. not a terrorist. you shouldn't have to go through this molestation. well, i'm an american, too. but i'm also filipino. and i've also been told that i look mexican. and i've also been told that i look spanish. and i've also been told that i look middle eastern. BUT, i am an american. i was born and raised in houston. i've barely even ever left the country (except those couple of times i went to the philippines). but, i walk in to an airport, and i'm probably looked at with more scrutiny than my white, nerdy boyfriend. or the old white lady. or the white person over there that has studied religion, and decided to convert to be a muslim. or, the white person that is so upset that a black man is president, has gone over the cliff, and decided to do something absolutely crazy today. is that fair? i've got brown skin, so pat me down. but don't pat down the white people. they're really AMERICAN. they wouldn't hurt their country. anybody could want to do harm in a moments time. it's the tsa's job to protect the thousands of people in a confined area from that person. and if they decide to pat me down, and not the next, who knows what could happen. everybody in an airport, nay, in the world is equal. yeah, EVERYBODY. so everybody should be treated the same way everywhere. plus, these machines make it easier to get people through the lines of thousands of people. make everyone equal, and everyone gets where they need to be in the proper amount of time.

so, i think these machines are a good thing. 1. i like high tech looking things. they're cool. 2. it's another step in protecting me. something that can be more trusted than a human being. so, you've got a liquid bomb strapped to your large giggly ass? well, a pat down maynot catch that. but the machine will! i'm going to be traveling a lot more than i ever have in the upcoming 2 years, so i want to know that there are no ass bombers in my airport!

i am by no means an expert on this thing. this is just a lowly person's opinion. and i'm really only going by what i hear on npr and see on the news. i mean, i can't even think of the name of the area that pilots call so that they can know where to land. but still people. get over yourselves and just go through the damn machine. or don't fly.

ray :: the best thing

hey, it did turn!

and this makes 4 blogs about ray in a 5 day period. this MUST be love.

reading

how to survive and maybe even love nursing school

i just received this book in the mail. i hope it can help me with all of the life changing things that are about to happen to me.

gatdy

where did gatdy come from? a friend of mine in high school, lauryn, gave me the nickname. she would always sing the word gatdy to the britney spears song "i'm a slave for you". ya know the part in the video where they're having a group orgy and breathing really hard and singing "get it get it, get it get it, ohhhh". well, lauryn would sing "gatdy gatdy, gatdy dula". and why on earth would she sing that? because my middle name is gatdula. yeah. weird. but i'm not ashamed of it...anymore. it's my mother's maiden name. lord, i hated my whole name for the longest time. but now, i love love love it. so, when i was in 3rd grade, someone asked me if jessa was short for anything and i said it was short for jessica. that's how much i didn't like my name then. then the kid found out my name was jessamyn, because he asked our teacher, and made fun of me. :( i also used to tell people that the "g" that was always put down for middle initial didn't stand for anything. pretty sad. but anyway, i love my unique name now. my sister's name is kristin. while it's a pretty name, there are like, a million kristins everywhere you go. i, on the other hand, have never even met another jessa. and the only other people with the name gatdula i know, are my cousins. so, it's a pretty sweet deal to have an uber-unique name. i guess it wouldn't be if the cops were looking for me. but that hasn't happened and i hope it never does. ok, that's it. goodbye.

skiing

i've never been skiing. and i know i have NO readers. ha! but, for my own chronicle's (what, of narnia) sake, i just bought a groupon in denver that was $12 for skis, boots, and other necessary equipment for the day on the slopes. so, jessa, remember this the next time you try to rent equipment and poke yourself for either 1. not buying more groupons or 2. not buying your own equipment.

trouble

i'm having trouble uploading my ray video. i'll try to work it out. funny how i'm having "trouble" with my ray lamontagne video :)

ray

original version of ray's "the best thing" played with the pariah dogs. lord almighty. that voice. (i'm sorry the video is sideways. i haven't taken much video with my phone and didn't know that it wouldn't upload longways like photos do. it's not about the video anyway. it's about the gorgeous voice)

and here is ray singing the same thing and explaining it. and it's the whole song.

so, at the beginning of most of his songs, ray will count off "uh 1, 2, 3, 4". mary ellen turned to me after one of his count downs and said, "how come when danny counts, i don't feel like this". it's true. ray has the sexiest voice in the world. he could say anything. ANYTHING. and i feel awkward talking about him like this because i can tell that he doesn't want people to like him. he wants people to listen to his music, and be done. come see his shows, but not see him. he seems so shy. and that's what's beautiful. i once read that ray doesn't make music videos because he thinks that should be left for beautiful people to do. well ray, i think you are one of the most beautiful people on the earth. you write and sing the MOST beautiful things and nothing could be more attractive. (and you've got a sexy beard. and nice style. and nice hair. and sweet eyes. and that voice!)

look at me blogging my heart out about ray lamontagne, and i haven't barely said my boyfriend's name here. haha! i do love my boyfriend though! i'll save him for another, longer post ♥

i like

ray lamontagne. tonight. at the bass concert hall. ray. oh lord. ray.

presents!

yesterday we had a family dinner at daniel's mom's house (don't know if those apostrophes are right at all). first off, it was amazing. she made lasagna, pot roast, some kind of mystery vegetable (can't remember the name now, but i remember it was really good), garlic parmesan toast, and apple crisp. daniel's sister and brother-in-law brought yummy yummy cupcakes :) after dinner, daniel's sister, holley, asked what we wanted for christmas. i haven't really thought about it, but i guess i need a whole bunch of cold weather crap. but, other than that, what do i want? well, here are some things that i've wanted, but never saved up to get. maybe my parents...or boyfriend...will be feeling super generous this year? we'll see

oh lord

yesterday denver experienced it's first snow of the season. lord help me.

growing up

this year, daniel and i are doing our first joint holidays. we are not technically married (common law, yeah. but not "really"), but this will our 4th holiday as a couple. it's about time we join forces, right? what we decided on is thanksgiving at my parents' house and christmas with his family. sounds easy enough, but this is proving to be a bit difficult. neither of us has spent a holiday away from our families. and we both are very close to our families. naturally, we both feel torn. it sorta sucks to have to grow up. it sucks for daniel because holidays are pretty much the only time he gets to spend time with his little brother who goes to university in mississippi. and having to start doing this this year is very hard for me because days after christmas, i'm leaving texas, my home, for 2 years for that dreaded cold place where all i'm going to get to do is study every hour of the day (except, i probably won't study EVERY hour). ugh, having to leave in fifty-something days is really really stressing me out. this is so much to do in so little time. and holidays take up a lot of the rest of my days left in texas. i have to pack, buy presents, see all my friends, see all my family, go to parties, fix everything that broken in my house, try to get rid of all the excess shit i have built up in the crevasses of my house, write up a new lease for our tenants, go to denver for orientation, try to find a place, try to find a roommate (if i end up wanting one. still thinking about that one). it's a lot. and all i want to do is sit on the couch and catch up on all of the ellen episodes i have tivo'd. that takes time. i'm also trying to read the harry potter series (i bought all of them for my sister as her graduation present this year because she wanted to re-read them, but had borrowed books the first time she read them. now that she's halfway through, i want to start reading them. probably not the best time to start reading that). i also ordered books that have been reviewed as good books to read before starting nursing school. once they're in, i probably have to give up harry and read those. then harry can maybe come back in 2012.

there's just so much to do. and it's really sad that i probably will only get to see my parents like, twice in all of that craziness before i leave. i feel so bad about not spending christmas with them. when i told my mom, i think she was pretty surprised. it was hard. holidays are always sooo much fun because we spend it with lots of other families. i love the business of those days with so many people around. i'm sad i'm going to miss out on that on christmas. but, the good thing is that daniel and i both feel close to each others' family, so at least it's not a total loss. no matter where we are, we'll feel at home.

i want

for unto us a child was born

i wanna see handel's messiah performed this year. what a holiday festivity :) i haven't seen that wonderfulness performed since i was in high school. so you're thinking...choral singing? really? but i LOVE chorale (and i really don't know if i'm using choral/chorale properly). i was involved in high school choir. yeah, like, glee! sorta. seriously, one of the best times of my life. next to college...but college was drunk fun, and high school choir was sober fun. i met the absolute best, funniest, most amazing people in choir. the choir room was the only place i felt like myself in high school. but that's a story for another time. i'm going to have to go tell dear daniel that i wanna see some singing. goodbye.

i like

conan! (started a little later than it actually starts so we can skip those dagum commercials)

i'm going to live here.

ohhh shit

i just looked it up. blue bell ice cream is not sold in colorado. i'm crying.

i want

le sigh

i feel very sad today because i had to miss out on going to wurstfest with my friends last night. some of us used to hit it up yearly during college. i haven't been since 2006 and this would've been the first time for me to go since then. it is a grand ole time filled with bratwurst, wieners, polka dancer, and many, many pitchers of beer. there are rides and dancing and games and did i mention the drinking?

i was very much looking forward to attending this year, but then things happened. first, i dropped my iphone and shattered the screen. so, that shit needs to get fixed. then, i got accepted to a nursing program out of state. and i am living on very small bi-weekly unemployment checks. this means that every penny i "earn" must go towards the dreaded move. the move that will occur in the cold, cold dead of winter. ugh. i hate the cold.

i miss my young folks. i miss partying with them. i guess the weekend partying goes with getting older, but i was really looking forward to this one because it sorta would've been like being in college again. and who doesn't want to be in college again? le sigh. i hope my peeps had fun last night ♥

dagummit

this is not the year for texas sports. except for the rangers. they had a good year :)

i like

blue bell cafe con leche ice cream. orgasm in my mouth.

ohhhh, they better have blue bell in denver.

moving

so, i'm going to need a million things before i move to denver. i'm moving in the middle of winter! geez, could it happen at a worse time? i don't do well in the cold. i'm filipino! i'm a warm (really warm) blooded island person. so i'm going to need to buy all sorts of things to keep me as warm as possible, pretty much at all times. i need jackets, i need boots, i need gloves, i need hats, scarves, earmuffs, thermal things. what else do i need? really...i don't know. i've never even seen snow...other than what texas calls snow.

so, these are some things i want:

north face transit

north face broadway

north face metropolis

patagonia downtown loft jacket

hunter summit nylon weather boot

ugg classic short

ok, so i haven't really looked at much other than jackets and boots. but those are the most important pieces, right? and, yeah, uggs are fugly, but i tried some on the other day, and they are probably the warmest, most comfortable shoes i have ever slipped my feet into. it was heavenly. and everything that i posted above is way too expensive. i can't afford any of it. so, hopefully, one will pop up on ebay or craigslist for super cheap. goodbye.

the sound of music

the cast of the sound of music were on oprah the other day which got me into musical mode. so, i watched the sound of music on thursday and i cannot get the songs out of my head. i am singing, if not out loud, then in my head, every minute of the day. at least they're good songs and not those super annoying catchy ones you hear on the radio.

so, this was the first time that i watched the sound of music and understood the movie. i don't think i've seen it since i was a kid. i got the dvd for christmas i think in 2005. my sisters (really, 1 sister and 2 roommates, but we're basically all sisters...) and i would put it on in our house when we weren't in class and we would sing the songs and dance around and what not. but, during the talking parts, we would be talking, or doing homework, or something else. so thursday was the first time that i actually watched, listened to, and understood all of it. when i was younger, i knew there was a story about nazis in there, but i never really got it before. and i NEVER knew why they left after the festival. i just accepted it. they started the movie in the mountains, why not end it there? the movie was really just a bunch of amazing songs to me before. now, there's a story other than liesl and rolfe's teenage love (one of my favorite scenes of any movie is their gazebo scene) and fraulein maria and the captain falling in love despite the baroness. man, i wanna watch the movie again. so i will. goodbye.

writing again

so, i've never had a blog before. i haven't written a paper in years. and haven't had a journal since i was like, 19. i used to be a great writer. i loved it in college. i totally preferred papers to multiple choice exams. getting back into the swing of writing something other than a flashcard is going to be a bit weird i think. so we'll see how it goes.

now that i think about it, i guess i sorta had a blog before. i used to have a xanga page. remember xanga? yeah. totally asian. but that would be considered a blog, right? i wonder if i could find those entries again. that would be embarrassing to re-read. i believe i was 17..18ish when i wrote there. yeah. that would be totally weird. so i'm gonna go look for it.

moral of the story: my writing is going to take a while to get up to par, if it ever does. bare with me.

goodbye.

holy moly

james franco on ellen. oh baby.

let's start at the very beginning. a very good place to start.

i live in austin, tx. i was just accepted to a nursing program in denver. i'm leaving my boyfriend, my family, my friends, and my home behind for 21 months. what ever am i going to do? i guess i'll blog about it...