yum

getting me through thursday, when i can have grown up drinks.

gettin' "s" done, son

flight booked...CHECK
paper done...CHECK
patho studying done...well, that will never be done, but what should be done by now...CHECK
health assessment studying done...not really, but i have a few days left

really, the flight being booked is the best feeling. i have an exact date and exact time that i know i will be home at. and i have my wonderful, lovely, beautiful little sister (who flew like 20 million times for her job in the first 6 weeks, thus, earned transferable miles) to thank :) there's no way i would be coming home on the day that i'm coming home for the price i paid if it weren't for her. actually, i don't think anybody could go anywhere ever on a plane for the price i paid... i can't wait to repay her and fly her out to denver :)

i also wouldn't have been done with my paper by now if it weren't for my boyfriend's dear sister. if she didn't agree to edit my paper today, i would probably be dotting the I's on the thing right up until 8am tomorrow when it's due. it feels nice to have something done with plenty of time to spare :) i think i'll do this more often.

warning: blogging while sleep deprived means there will be a whole lot of rambling going on

oh my gosh my brain!!! i have been studying forever and a day. but, the 3rd patho test has come and gone. and my brain needs a break before the 4th (1 week from now...not a big break. really, just about an hour break because i have quizzes the next 2 days, a patho paper due the day before the patho test, a health assessment test the day after, and a nursing topics quiz the next day. oh, and then death the day after that.).

i don't have a tv here. and i've been doing ok with that. but then superbowl sunday rolled around and i was feeling pretty sad. i was sitting at my desk studying (as i did allllllll weekend) and i kept getting texts about the pug doritos commercial. and i was feeling left out. then, it hit me: i've never not watched the superbowl before. so then, not only was i feeling sad and left out, but i felt awkward. i mean, i'm no joe sports, but i enjoy watching football. it's exciting. and watching the superbowl is a tradition. missing it is like missing your mom's birthday. if you don't at least call your mom on her birthday, you get a weird feeling inside you. so sunday was sad and weird.

also, when you get on facebook and see 10 billion posts about yellow and green or yellow and black or christina aguilera messing up the national anthem (still love her though) or the halftime show, you wanna be in on it a little bit. you don't want to miss the live action. i mean, if you were fixing a plate of nachos the moment jacket jackson's nipple graced the screen, that's it. you missed it. you don't get to say that you actually saw it (i do). and i missed all of sunday's moments that could've been (although it doesn't sound like there were many). the one thing i definitely don't want to miss is the oscars. i'm going to need get a tv for that one...or make a friend that will let me sit on their couch in my pajamas all night while drinking wine and judging celebrities.

ok, speaking of facebook and no tv...
since i don't have a tv, i watch what i want online. so, i'm watching how i met your mother (btw: i never thought how i met your mother would make me cry, but somehow the last 2 did. i love that show.) and an advertisement comes up. a guy and a girl are standing on a sidewalk and they awkwardly kiss. the girl goes inside and the guy gets in his car. he presses a button on his rearview mirror AND THE REARVIEW MIRROR GIVES HIM THE GIRL'S FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE (it said, "best first date ever")! WHAT THE WHAT!? c'mon technology. leave us alone. and why couldn't homegirl tell him that to his face? now the whole world knows about their intimate first date? and of course, there will be comments under that post. and yadah yadah. i've been contemplating leaving facebook for a while now and this makes me want to leave more! (unfortunately, i don't think i can. when i became my cohort's representative, i made a facebook group and people use it. a lot. it might be weird not being in that group, being the representative and all. but i still WANT to leave. p.s. if anyone knows of a facebook group type thing that's independent, let me know.)

why do i want to leave facebook? there's just too much going on. there are too many updates. too many pictures. too many distractions. too much junk. mostly about people that i haven't seen or spoken to since june 2003. and most of them weren't even my "friends" in high school! it's just addicting. it's like reality tv. you don't have to look at or read any of it, but you just can't help yourself! you can't turn your head! and i know, i post on facebook. i put up pictures,i update my status, i write on walls and i'm being a hypocrite. but i'm so used to it and you can't help being apart of it. and it's that addiction thing again! can an alcoholic just straight up stop drinking? no! i want to stop. i want to read a book instead of spend an hour looking at a friend of a friend of a person who i sat next to but never talked to in history in 10th grade's photo albums. i want to be able to take a picture not contemplate, hmm, is this facebook worthy? that's probably because of my own self control issues (and nosiness/stalker tendencies. there's not denying it. every girl has them), but i think everyone in the world has these issues as well in one form or another. even getting my iphone is semi-regrettable. it's great for facetime, recording lectures (best voice recorder ever btw), and looking up unknown information that you want to know about but would forget all about by the time you got home if it weren't for the internet on your iphone being at your fingertips. but, i'm also constantly checking my email, looking up things that i don't need to be looking up, and, yup, checking facebook! ahhhhh! and if i were to be away from my phone for a day...ohh, the withdrawal convulsions i would experience. even the tv thing. if i knew that i could have a tv to watch one tv show and perhaps one newscast a day, i just might get one. but, no, that sucker would probably be on all of the time. i'm not a very disciplined person. i'm very, very easily distracted. i'm working on that though. but, i wonder how much more learning i could get done if all of these bad boys weren't around...

so, to round it out. i have a love/hate relationship with most things technology. right now, i'm really hating it because it seems to be taking up my entire life (right up there with nursing school, but nursing school is productive). perhaps if it stopped snowing (pleaseee weather gods, make it stop snowing soon) i could go outside and enjoy a real life. till then, it's me against technology. oh, and, if you are reading this and you have/will get/are thinking of getting that facebook car mirror feature thingy in your car, tell me now so i can never speak to you again.

and now i say thanks for reading and don't be mad at me. i warned you.

CHALLENGE: i challenge mark zuckerberg to shut down facebook for one week (even one day, but a week would be more interesting) and let's observe what happens.

pretty

it is -9 degrees here (-23 with windchill). school is actually closed! i never thought i'd experience a snow day here. a classmate of mine said she hasn't had one of those since elementary school. i mean, i haven't left my apartment today (and don't plan to), but it must be pretty yuck out there.

since it's gross out, here's a pretty video for pretty thoughts, and pretty times, and prettiness. (reminds me of my "sister", michelle)

Charlie Winston "I love your smile" from HK Corp on Vimeo.

it's official

little sister is getting hitched on july 23rd. geez i wish i knew my summer school schedule...i hate that i could possibly be missing quizes or tests. ugh. but, i've already emailed my potential professors, and it looks like they're willing to work with me. sister's getting married! wahoooooo! and, i'd like to think that i semi-picked the venue (because i emailed it to her like, 3 weeks ago. but, i don't think she read the email because it included like, 10 other venues. but still. she called me last week saying, "ah, i found a pretty place", and i said, "um, i emailed that to you a long time ago".. yeah. i like getting credit for things...)

sister bought a dress yesterday with our other 2 "sisters". dang, i wish i were there for that. but i'm glad things are coming along :)

beautiful

i've been doing research for my sissy's wedding and came across this beauty. that's all i can say because i'm supposed to be studying. enyoy.

Madison & Bryan - Style Me Pretty "Style Challenge" - The Sanctuary from Matt Davis on Vimeo.

cravings

i have had some crazy cravings since i moved to denver.

i drink chocolate milk every day. i have bought 2 rotisserie chickens (that's a whole lot of chicken for one <100 lb girl!). i eat at least 1 orange a day. i got some applesauce that i eat often. i have made spaghetti and meatballs 3 times (each made about 5 helpings. that's 15 meals guys...)

i made spaghetti here and there in austin, but never 3 times in 1 month. i probably shared a rotisserie chicken with daniel once in 4 years. i ate an orange maybe 1-3 times a month if they were in season. i haven't drank chocolate milk or eaten applesauce, perhaps, since childhood. i don't understand why all of the sudden i am craving these foods.

another thing about denver. my left knee hurts when it's cold. why is this place making me so weird!? i thought austin was supposed to "keep you weird" :) awww, i miss austin. i miss knowing where i'm going and where i am when i drive. i miss the emo people. i miss liberals. i'm finding that denver is not as liberal as i expected it to be. i knew colorado is a purple state, but i thought that denver would be more liberal (or at least that my classmates would be). i miss oliver. and daniel. i miss the little cute grocery stores all over austin (newflower, sprouts, sun harvest). i miss wine being sold in grocery stores. i miss grape creeks' grand rouge wine (you can't find tx wine in colorado...). i miss knowing where to find good food. i miss burnt orange. i wore a burnt orange shirt to school one day and i felt like i was glowing. i miss my friends. i miss my family. i miss my sister (and being able to fully help her plan her wedding). ugh, i miss mozart's! and spiderhouse! there are no coffee houses on any body of water here and i have yet to find a place like spiderhouse. doubt i'll find it though. i miss the crazily decorated cars. i miss good texmex. and strangely, i miss moist air. my filipino/texan skin is not used to this dry air.

i do like that every time i drive out of my building, i see mountains. i like that i have worn boots every single day that i've been here (minus wednesdays, when i have lab). i like that it snows. and i like that strangers are nice (thus far). i like the public transportation (light rails are FUN). i like that every single store that i could ever need is a 15 minute walk or a 10 minute walk+light rail ride away (16th street mall has EVERYTHING). i like that the sales tax is less than in tx. and i like my classmates.

there are more things that i like and don't like about denver. i'm learning about, and dealing with, all of those things daily. but, there's no doubt in my mind that my biggest craving right now is austin. and chocolate milk.

representative jessa

i did a super brave thing yesterday. i got up in front of my entire class and spoke. voluntarily. i was so scared. oh boy, i was experiencing major tremors and tachycardia (medical words!). it's the buildup of having to stand up and talk and thinking about everything that can go wrong. i could trip. i could talk too fast. i could stumble on my words. i could choke on my tongue. i could just stand there thinking i'm talking, or wanting to talk, but not. i could faint. i mean, i was only up there for like, 30 seconds. but it was NERVE WRACKING! and it felt like an hour.

the reason i spoke was because the student nurses association at our school wanted someone to represent the BSN cohort that just came in. i don't have anything else in denver, so i might as well embrace school. it is the reason i am here, after all. and, i didn't do anything organizational wise at UT (not that any of the 50,000 other students would have noticed). that did not make my resume look great. plus, there are something like 38 people in my class. that's like private elementary school sized, if that. there is no reason for everyone in my class to not know everyone's name. this is a great way for me to get to know everyone and make some friends. because i came to this town with zilch of those. and, i look at the experience one of my best friends, julianna, had during her time in nursing school. they had FUN. of course, it's different. she attended UT with mostly young, single, first time college goers. i'm going to school with 40 other people who have already gone to college and gotten a degree. one of them is a baby boomer! and, i think probably 75% of my class are married folk. it's a totally different dynamic. but, i can't think of one person in the world who doesn't appreciate a good time. i want nursing school to be memorable for everyone in my cohort. and i feel like i can execute that task. plus, i'm gonna get to know, hopefully, all of the faculty and staff. and get some bitchin letters written for me when i graduate and, eventually, go off to grad school.

ok, so, i got up, almost knocked over a table with waters on it on 2 girls, fixed that situation, and made my way to the front of the room. i took a deep breath and started my little speech that went something like this: "hi, i'm jessa. um, i've been emailing farrah, the girl who was here a couple of weeks ago from the sna, and she said she didn't think that anyone had stepped up to be the representative for our cohort. so, uh, i was wondering if y'all would be cool with me being it..." and then people cheered, "yeah! go for it! woohoo!". they actually cheered (at least, that's what i heard). and i felt like saying, "you love me! you reeeaaally love me!" but i resisted the urge. instead i said, "wow, ok, so i'm gonna pass a sheet of paper around for everyone to put their name and email down on so i can contact everyone", but that was already being done by my new friend, kelly. so, i said, "cool, can i get a copy of that later?" and that was it. i sat down, and watched my hands shake for 2 more minutes. and that's how i remember it. but, it's all a big haze.

then, i went and had drinks with like, 9 other people (our school is in the heart of, basically, austin's 6th street). yeah, i had drinks with strangers. well, not really strangers. i mean, we have all been going to school together for like, 4 weeks. but, ya know, not the closest of friends. but, i can already tell we are going to be. i had a blast with them. and, there's this bar RIGHT NEXT to my school that does this thing where, when you order a drink, you flip a coin. if you call the flip correctly, your drink is a quarter. A QUARTER! out of my 3 drinks, i only got one quarter drink. but still!

and that was my day of bravery.

me time now.

i do everything in the world to make the lives of the closest people to me easier. plus, i do everything that i need to do pretty much all by myself. at least it feels that way. i can't remember the last time i asked an actual favor of someone. probably when i asked my old-roomie to take me to the airport at 4:30 am in september. yeah, sounds about right. that actually was super nice of her :) oh, wait. i asked people, "who are nurses and what do they do?" for an assignment last week. and actually taking a few people up on the kind offer to borrow money for school (which i don't think they thought i was going to do. BUT, i'm paying them back, with interest) was gut wrenching! i mean, i cried. and my stomach actually hurts thinking about how much my stomach hurt when i had those conversations. i was super duper close to going with the student loan that had a 10% variable interest rate just so the conversations would stop.

i mean, it's great and all to know that i'm helping people, making lives easier, but you know what? i'm over it. for now at least. it seems like nothing is appreciated when you give and give and give and give and give. and, i actually feel guilty asking something of someone else (that's not right). i sat there for probably 10 minutes fighting with myself over if i should press send on the mass text message, or just go to the 16th street mall and hit up some strangers for some answers for my assignment.

i'm going to be tending to people for the rest of my life in the profession i have chosen (why did i do that!?). if i don't take this time away from everything and everyone to just, not be "mom", i don't think i'll ever catch a break.

what's going on!?

i don't even know how many times my young folks (aka the funnest and bestest group of friends in the world) and i watched this in 2007. it was a lot. haven't seen it since. and it never gets old. enyoy!